“Well that’s that then. Is there at least wifi I can connect to to send a message home?”

“You’re in the middle of nowhere, sweetie. Next bus is in two hours.”

Great. The past three hours I have been interrogated, fingerprinted, had my bags turned inside out and had my laptop thoroughly searched before being officially and eternally denied entrance via a Visa Waiver to the United States of America. All this on the basis of being paid cash on a couple of small non-commercial photoshoots.

Canada has declared they will take me back because they “kind of got stuck with” me, but I must sort out how to get home without stepping foot in the USA within 1 month and I have a pretty piece of paper to declare on my exit.

I’ve been fantasizing about seeing my friends in NYC for months. This is a pivotal check in point with my life and I place a ridiculously high importance on maintaining the friendship with these pillars who have picked me up from rubble to watch me soar. I would have gone home to Australia 2 months back if my best friend hadn’t invited me to Vegas, a city I have no interest in visiting again. I had planned to do a couple of photoshoots to cover the expense. Well now that was naive, wasn’t it. Apparently even if you aren’t EMPLOYED by someone in the USA and your tax deductions are via your own business based in Australia, this can  ruin your record for life.

Canada on the other hand, do not give two thoughts to it. If I gained regular employment, yes, but for what I am doing there is no issue. Why is this so different in the USA? I could feel the sensation of fear and desperation in that interrogation office. I set my good intention meditating through the experience. Whatever happens to me on the outside field, they can not penetrate my interior space.

That’s when it hit me.

It was not going the way I had planned. I’m not untouchable after all. The United States.. you sure have a way about you. I instantly feel the pain of the people in this country. The ones who had their freedom clawed away from them. The ones who were beaten down and down again until they became powerless. Gaslighted by their own system.

All I wanted to do is go home.

“Well, now that we are stuck with you, we need to make sure you are going to leave. How much money do you have accessible to you?”

I feel I have zero privacy at this point.

“Twenty thousand dollars.”

“Right, well do you have a reason to go home? A job?”

“I, ah, freelance… Look. I. AM. READY… I. NEED. to go home… “ I start to tear up. Come on, T, breathe. “My sister is having a baby on the 16th. I need to be home for that.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay. You know there is a consulate. You might be able to apply for your visa there and save your flight home. Just make sure you leave. You can sit across the road until the bus comes.”

I pinch myself. Am I dreaming? Is my life a movie? Every time I stop to write, I actually do not believe my own narrative. I think that I am writing the novel Real Big Fish. But it feels real.. sometimes.. other times I wonder if I died in that accident and I am trapped in a dream state.

This is a reminder to be careful about your intention and what you send into the universe. Yesterday sitting in the grass talking to some friends after yoga, I innocently responded to their questions about traveling to New York tomorrow with – “So long as they let me cross the border. Touch wood!” Its like the vibrations immediately reverberated into action. It doesn’t matter whether I wanted it or not, my words came true. Well it was the solar eclipse, after all and that is some powerful shit.

Now I have a message to get to my friends.

Rani, I’m sorry. My life choices put me in a precarious situation and the one thing that I had whole-heartedly committed to doing with you to repair our friendship has crumbled. I love you.
Karlee, well your crazy hippy friend just hit yet another speed bump. Happy we caught each other when we did. Until next time, amiga. I love you.
Jon, I have been flakey as fuck. I appreciate your kindness, hospitality, openness and non judgement. I am hugely embarrassed and not sure where I will see you again, but I owe you a drink and a big story. I love you.
Gab… will you have me back? I know you have my back. I love you.
The rest of Manhattan. I am sad as fuck. You are my favourite city behind Sydney and I just jeopardised our relationship over the most trivial of things.

Mum and dad. I’m not sure what to say here. I think it might be best to say nothing at all.. for a day or two. It will reveal itself at a time we can laugh.

Kim. How are you so perfect. Why does this kids of thing only happen to me?!
Pete. No this does not give you an excuse not to travel. You must experience these things to understand who you really are.

The United States. The world is ready for you to heal.
Canada. Thank you.

Universe. You have no mercy.

Wish me luck.